RANSVESTIA

I didn't sleep. I spent the night trying to sort things out. One thing was clear; one thing came through regardless of how I thought about it. I had a touch of woman in me.

It was a frightening thought, but it fed upon all the doubts of my youth and grew. Hidden in among the masculine components of my personality was a woman, a woman who was trying to come out and assert herself along with all the rest. That was the only explanation.

Perhaps it was silly and in view of the wardrobe I already had, it was but there was something else, something I craved. And the night's expedition only intensified my craving. I already had a girdle. I had two of them, but not like this. The one I craved was pink, with a matching bra. I closed my eyes and saw it on the mannekin. Ruffled garters hanging loose, ruffles like mist cascading over the hips. But best of all, a sleek satin panel starting at the dipped down waist and running in a smooth, glossy, unbroken line down between her legs. Oh, I had to have that girdle, to be able to put it on, and to have it give me, too, the gentle roundness of a woman's crotch. Nothing, no other garment I could imagine did I want so much.

For weeks I had been going out of my way just to look in the win- dow of the lingerie shop where it was displayed. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought it possible to have such a girdle. But as I lay there remembering it, and reviewing the night's events, the shop seemed to beckon me. Come in, says the proprietress, come in. You're one of us now. Come in and let us try it on. You really appreciate nice things. So many of our customers are sloppy and fat, and you are so lithe and trim. Come in, come in.

It wasn't something I reasoned out, or even consciously came to. It just happened. I found myself planning a trip to that shop, planning what I'd wear, imagining myself in the fitting room being measured, being welcomed for the woman in me.

For the remainder of the night, I lay awake, counting the hours and making the trip to the shop again and again. It seemed forever before morning came.

As soon as Sally was gone, I began to dress. Never had I taken such care, never with such anticipation. It took two hours.

I started out, but just as I did, the elevator arrived at our floor. I ducked back in and waited. When the hall was clear, I crossed over to

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